CHAPTER 7 - COUCH CONVERSATIONS

 

CHAPTER 7 COUCH CONVERSATIONS 

JOB 12:12 “Wisdom is with the aging and understanding in the length of days.”  This text is one of focus scriptures today as we learn about centering our days in our senior years on JESUS.

                                         

Aging With Grace is a book written by two women, Sharon W. Betters, and Susan Hunt, who from their own life circumstances as they age, share their faith in Jesus, in an effort to invite women (ages 55 – 80+) to see that this stage of life has been planned for each of us, just as much as any other stage of life.  They teach through the scriptures, mostly Psalm 92, and today, Psalm 71.

I welcome you to Women's Fellowship/Study where we will step away from a society that does not honor older women and come together in search of hope and comfort.  Women's Fellowship/Study has a goal of providing a safe environment where women can gather, share, pray and learn to seek the LORD.

Last week we looked at our lives in regard to these 2 questions:

1) When you were young and growing up what is something you dreamed about doing when you got older?  2) what is something you wanted to do but was never able to accomplish?

JOB 12:12 reminds us that the longer we know and trust Jesus, the greater our wisdom is from the Lord.

Earlier we read that it’s OK to look back at our life, on our successes and our failures; at desires that we didn’t choose, and plans that never took place despite our best efforts. BUT make sure that you are looking at how the Lord Jesus has brought you through the days and years since, up to now.

We’ve read about the IMMENSE LOVE our Father has for us – his lovingkindness.  In Hebrew it is HESED.  We learned about the HOPE found in a relationship with GOD – in Hebrew this is TIKVAH.

“Nothing is random, nothing is wasted.  God used and continues to use, everything: our sin, the sin of others against us, the disappointments, sorrows, griefs, suffering, times of rejoicing, and times of weeping – to shape us into His image. Hope (TIKVAH) is NOT grounded in people or circumstances.”

                                              

PSALM 71:5-8

(This part of Psalm 71, traditionally attributed to King David, written in a time of personal distress and reliance on God, expresses a lifelong trust in the Lord, from infancy through old age, and affirms God as both a personal refuge and a public example of faith.)

5 For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth.

6 From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you.

7 I have become a sign to many; you are my strong refuge.

8 My mouth is filled with your praise declaring your splendor all day long. (BibleGateway.com)

Here are some “Couch Conversations – just sitting and talking” taken from the book and responses taken from the hymn “God Moves in a Mysterious Way."

(Page 144-145 of Aging with Grace)

“Nothing prepares you for how hard marriage and parenting are.  When our spouses and kids disappoint us, its easy to feel self-pity and sadness.  When our kids are mistreated, it affects us. I know Scripture says to trust the Lord but its hard.   How can I be a life-giver while dealing with the realities of marriage and parenthood?”

“God moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform, he plants his footsteps in the sea and rides upon the storm.”

“I do not feel as if I’m flourishing; I’m just existing.  My relationships are mostly one-sided.  My marriage is not bad but its not alive or vibrant. I seldom feel wanted or known simply for who I am.  I try to press on by reading my Bible, but I still feel as though I just continue with no fruit.”

                                                

“Deep in unfathomable mines of never-failing skill, he treasures up his bright desires, and works his sovereign will.”

“My adult children’s choices break my heart.  From the time they are born, I protected them.  Now I can’t control what they do; so I can’t protect them from the consequences of their choices.  I want to stay strong and finish well, but I’m emotionally exhausted.”

“Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; the clouds ye so much dread, are big with mercy, and shall break in blessings on your head.”

“I’m almost 50.  My job is boring. The women gossip and manipulate. How can I be a life-giver when they are sucking the life out of me?!”

“His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding ev’ry hour; the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower.”

Do any of these situations sound like something you’ve lived through or are living through at this current time?   

Each one of these conversations is an example of how we rely on ourselves to fix everyone else, instead of trusting the Lord for his planning for our lives; but that in “quietness and in trust shall be (my) strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)

One of the joys of getting older is being calmer and quieter which can help us reflect on the work God does with others too.   These moments of realization, of calm and quiet are referred to by our authors as “HEAVENLY HUGS.”                                                          

Here’s the questions that we should ask ourselves OR others to think biblically, live covenantly, and flourish:

What is your authority in this situation – yourself or the Bible?

What will it mean for you to submit to God’s authority and glorify him as a life-giver?

Are you willing to repent of any ways you are being a lifetaker in this situation?

What will it cost you to die to self (that is, put your own desires aside)

MY PERSONAL REFELECTION

I believe it takes a while to come around to thinking biblically and covenantly, especially when we are relying on our own knowledge or experience.  When I look at the many desires that I once had that I didn’t accomplish, I have to admit that I didn’t automatically think about putting my goals aside (dying to self) nor think that I must be going through this because God wants me to remember how much He loves me; nor should just be patient to see His blessings.  

Going back to the sad times of a failed marriage, an abusive relationship or the many years of single parenting – all very difficult situations for a long period of time – I knew God then; I believed in His sacrifice for me, that He loved me, but I was raised to believe “You make your bed, you lie in it.” And so I still understood that I was responsible for solving my own problems because I was responsible for making my problems.

When I look back, it was some time before I reached out or cried out to the Lord for His mercy and love. At that time, these questions never occurred to me, or that this level of relationship with the Lord, would change the situations:

Who was my authority, myself or the Lord of the Bible? What would it mean for my situation to submit to God’s authority? Hadn’t I already done that? Was I willing to repent of any ways? Me? What did I need to repent for? No one who’s lived with abuse wants to be told they are the ones that need to repent. What will it cost me to put my own desires aside? My own desires were to care for my children, by working and removing them from the bad situation.

Looking back I might have made some better decisions for my life and especially for my children’s lives, if I had a closer relationship with the LORD.  I can see NOW, that there were many things that the LORD brought me through so that I would lean on Him and seek Him for my life.  And since I cannot go back and change that, I am not seeking God for His Authority not my own; I repent because I am a sinner, being saved by Grace; and I can set my own desires aside – WHY? Because I seek to KNOW the LORD who gave his life for me, who has had a plan for every day of my life since before I was born, and who’s mercy and grace is following me all the days of my life on earth!

In Tim Keller’s book, “Rubbing Hope into the Reality of Suffering”, he writes, “THE Christian Hope is a hope that you’re going to get the life you always wanted…. OUR Christian hope is that we’re going to live with Christ in a new earth where there is not only no more death but where life is what it was always meant to be.

Ultimately, then, our writers tell us that flourishing means gratefully accepting the past and present trials GOD has given me, and looking for opportunities to use what I have learned to help others.

So the question remains, are we flourishing in Christ?   You answer that for yourself.

Thanks for joining me today.   There is so much in each chapter, that I hope you are able to read the book, AGING WITH GRACE. And by clicking on these links. You can also hear two interviews by the authors who discuss AGING WITH GRACE with Nancy DeMoss Wogelmuth of the Revive our Hearts Women’s Ministry.   There are also links, including videos on Sharon Betters & Susan Hunt

However you decide to learn how to FLOURISH in your senior years, I thank God for you!  Be Blessed! sb